Jack Kaplan '23
We’re back! And we aren’t wearing masks! For the first time since my freshman year, it feels like this school year will be normal. No more weekly testing, no more masks, no more restrictions on singing in Chapel. Even though school became progressively more normal as last year went on, there’s something special about starting the year without any restrictions or unusual policies. I’m excited, and I know many of my classmates are, too.
Last year, especially in the fourth quarter, the community made great strides in rediscovering the traditions and culture of St. Albans that had been so affected by Covid. We finished the year with momentum. Now, as Dr. Schaffer told all of the forms on Registration Day, we must capitalize on this momentum and make St. Albans as great as it can be. We must attend Chapel and use the time to reflect and learn. We must go to lunch ready to meet new people and strengthen the bonds of the community. We MUST go to every sports game and cement BEEF’s place as the best booster club in the nation. Dr. Schaffer told students what we should aim to accomplish this year, but the community can only capitalize on last year’s momentum if we students buy into what we are doing. The strength and superiority of our community doesn’t just exist, but is built up by the work of every single STA student.
While our school is great, we have to work to ensure that it remains this way. All of the Covid-era policies have been repealed, and we have the opportunity, the responsibility, of protecting our school and its values. We have to come together and protect what is important to us. We shouldn’t allow the implementation of policies that harm our culture, and we should make sure that St. Albans continues to be the place that we all cherish. The students should respect each other, the faculty and staff, and the alumni and traditions that have created a community that has educated young men in academics, athletics, and life for over a century. In order to preserve what is important to our school, we have to come together and choose to engage in our community and traditions. We have to bring back most everything from before Covid, while rejecting attempts to change the character of our school. St. Albans is a great place, and it’s on all of us to keep it this way. Together, by respecting the community and capitalizing on the momentum of last year, we can move past Covid and return St. Albans to its deserved glory.
Bella Guagenti '24
As the new school year officially begins and students begin to return to school mode, one crucial shift between summer and the school year is following the dress code. While the dress code restricts specific clothing due to the expectation of “a certain degree of formality,”  The NCS dress code states the belief that clothing can “reflect one’s individuality and how we present ourselves to the community.” The dress code outlines basic dos and don’ts that allow individual expression. However, students must shift their mentality from dress codes being restrictions to being guidelines. These guidelines work with items you already have in your home, making the possibilities of outfits virtually endless.
To dress within the dress code, students first need to understand the general don’ts that apply across all clothing categories. Students are not allowed to wear:
Generally, if an item of clothing breaks at least one of these rules, it is likely inappropriate to wear at school. During the school year, setting these items aside for the weekend or after school may be helpful.
The dress code recommendations exclude clothes that violate the basic don’ts of the dress code. This guide is not comprehensive about every clothing style. Instead, it attempts to outline individual dress code-appropriate items and modifications loosely. The first guideline in the NCS dress code instructs students on shirt expectations.
Do wear “shirts that are full-length, opaque, and include at least 2 inches of fabric on the shoulder:”
T-shirts and crewneck sweatshirts are comfortable options that always follow all the basic rules for shirts. They are versatile for weather, activities, and different styles. T-shirts and crewnecks can be worn oversized or fitted and paired with most pants, shorts, and skirts. Students can also layer t-shirts and crewnecks over collared shirts or mock/turtlenecks and layer sweatshirts over other shirts to continue wearing them into colder months.
Students looking for more formal options can dress up t-shirts and crewnecks by pairing them with more formal bottoms, shoes, and accessories, or they can wear tops including but not limited to blouses, button-ups, polos, and sweaters. For a more formal outfit, these items generally can be paired with jeans, linen pants, dress pants, or a skirt (maxi or midi) with more formal shoes or boots, belts, and jewelry. Often in these more formal outfits, the shirts are tucked into the bottoms either entirely or just in the front. For a less formal outfit, students can pair these items with jeans, shorts, a shorter skirt, less formal shoes or boots, and jewelry.
Students who own tank tops or knit/ribbed tees may find themselves with shirts with shorter sleeves and lengths. These shirts, which vary in formality and style, are versatile additions to a student’s wardrobe, so students do not necessarily have to wear these clothes during the school year. If students wear tank tops with sleeves smaller than 2 inches, they must wear an outer layer such as a button-up, zip-up hoodie, cardigan, jacket, or blazer with at least 2 inches of fabric over the shoulder, so they still follow the shoulder guideline. Additionally, if students wear cropped shirts, they must pair them with high-waisted bottoms or layers that they can at least partially zip or button up to maintain the academic formality NCS requests students have.
The second guideline addresses NCS’ expectations for pants, skirts, and dresses.
Do wear “pants, shorts with at least a 5-inch inseam, or skirts and dresses of an equivalent length as shorts:”
Pants are a broad category, including but not limited to jeans, linen pants, dress pants, and cargo pants. If a student’s pants are not distressed, obviously pajamas, or athletic, then their pants do not violate the dress code.
Unlike pants which have fewer restrictions, Shorts require a 5-inch inseam, which is likely to fall mid-thigh but varies by person. Students struggling to find shorts with a 5-inch inseam can search for shorts filtered by inseam length or for Bermuda shorts, oxford shorts, ‘men’s’ sporting shorts, cargo shorts, linen shorts, or high-waisted wide shorts on a stores website for the most relevant results.
Skirts and dress like shorts must fall mid-thigh. The three common categories of skirts and dresses from shortest to longest are mini, midi, and maxi. Usually, mini falls mid-thigh, midi falls just below the knees, and maxi falls ankle length, all of which follow the dress code. If a student prefers the look of a shorter skirt, they can wear a dress code-appropriate skirt with a heeled or platform shoe making the skirt appear shorter without altering the actual length. While not specified in the dress code, students can wear shorts underneath their skirts and dresses for comfort, especially when walking through the wind tunnel in front of the Cathedral. Dresses additionally must follow both the guidelines for shirts and skirts.
Since pants consistently follow the dress code, students who struggle to find appropriate clothing items may benefit from investing in 1-2 pairs of well-fitting, non-ripped jeans and one pair of thinner pants for warmer weather.
The third and last guideline addresses NCS’ expectations for shoes.
Do wear “shoes at all times:”
Students’ shoe choices are not explicitly limited to the regular dress code; they must wear shoes at school. However, students should be conscious of their daily activities and choose shoes that are functional for them. This guideline is an opportunity to add a finishing touch to complete your creative, dress code-appropriate outfit.
Students should remember that even though NCS has a dress code, they do not have to choose between their individual style and getting dress coded. For more information about regular and Cathedral day dress codes, students can view the NCS Dress Code here.
 NCS Dress Code
Audrey Scott '23
Often written off as a "chick flick," Dirty Dancing is one of the most underestimated movies released in the eighties. I believe that Dirty Dancing is more than a typical romantic comedy. Although it is commonly disregarded as a lighthearted dance movie, it in fact revolves around an issue that still creates national, and even worldwide, divisions: abortion. The juxtaposition of the waitstaff and dancers at Kellerman’s, a family summer retreat destination, additionally demonstrates the corrupt nature of social hierarchy, nepotism, and assumption.
Penny, a dancer, is pregnant with a waiter, Robbie's, child. As a dancer, Penny is stuck in an inescapable socioeconomic status that prevents her from being respected. She has no access to support from her superiors, let alone safe medical care. [CY2] Everyone aware of the pregnancy initially assumes that the baby's father is Penny's dance partner, Johnny highlighting the inequity of treatment due to economic status[CY3] . Robbie is a Yale Medical School student and therefore automatically respected by all the guests, while Johnny is a high school dropout and is making a living as a dancer. Johnny comes from an economically inferior family and is criticized by guests for it.
Additionally, Penny—although not emotionally, physically, or financially ready to have a baby—feels she cannot miss even one day of work or pay to get an abortion. Further, she has no access to a safe, legal abortion, as the movie is set in the early 1960s. Dirty Dancing portrays the harsh reality of a hopeless woman who feels trapped by her pregnancy and despairs in her future, void of her passion—dance—or any opportunities to rise out of her socioeconomic status[CY4] .
Baby, an upper-class visitor at Kellerman’s, learns of Penny’s predicament and sympathizes with her. Baby agrees to fill in for Penny during her dance shifts and provide money for Penny to pay for an illegal abortion. As it is not a sanctioned procedure, Penny ends up badly hurt: “He didn't use no ether, nothing … the guy had a dirty knife and a folding table,”[CY5] describes Penny’s friend who witnessed parts of the tragedy. Fortunately, Baby is able to call her father, a doctor, to treat Penny after her surgery.
Although in real life, Baby may not have been brave enough to call her dad, and her dad might not have been a doctor or able to help Penny recover following the mutilation of her body from an illegal abortion, Dirty Dancing still critiques the inescapable social hierarchy and society's instinct to judge and assume based on topical impressions.
While Dirty Dancing does have a phenomenal soundtrack, enjoyable dance scenes, and an epic romance, the movie provides more than entertainment. Dirty Dancing portrays characters from a range of social classes coming together to support Penny in getting an abortion, an atypical[CY6] storyline compared to those predominantly featured in 80s blockbuster. Due to its advertisement as a romance movie, the film reached an incredibly broad audience: a much larger portion of society than most movies portraying controversial issues at the time.
Since the Supreme Court case which had allowed women the right to safe and legal abortions—Roe v. Wade—was overturned this June, I have been reflecting on the impact of Dirty Dancing and how its relevance has resurfaced. I had never before homed in on the abortion aspect of the film, since I hadn’t considered that in my lifetime someone I know could be put at risk due to not having legal access to an abortion. Watching the film since has given me a newfound respect for Eleanor Bergstein, the screenwriter, and her determination to highlight such pertinent issues at a time when rights such as abortion access were a taboo topic. Due to its renewed relevance, I suggest you watch, or rewatch Dirty Dancing before school gets too hectic and to keep in mind its societal impact beyond the success of I’ve had the Time of my Life or Patrick Swayze’s face.
Benjamin Acosta '23
There are a lot of different kinds of bricks around the Cathedral Close. There are those large uneven gray bricks on Marriott Hall; there are the reliably rectangular reddish bricks of Woodley Building; there are the elegantly smooth bricks that stare you down from the Cathedral. True Lucas boasts large uneven sandy bricks; Lane Johnston’s door displays debossed bricks; and, throughout the Cathedral, stretching toward the sky, are bricks, bricks, bricks (curved pillar ones, flat wall ones, lumpy spire ones). In the Gregory Court checkered bricks serve as a medieval battlefield, and there between bricks that have snuggled in so as to guide your feet step by step other bricks choose rebellion in the shape of a narrow ramp. Bricks lead up to Pilgrim Road from there; bricks curl themselves around Senior Circle; bricks lead down to George on a horse (on bricks); bricks stack in arcs around the amphitheater’s brick stage. Hearst Hall’s bricks have heard decades of orchestras; if you ask, the bricks supporting the track might tell you about a few baseball games; the ivy-dressed bricks of Bishop’s Garden remember a romantic rendezvous or two; the bricks of the high-up Cathedral chambers certainly have all sorts of interesting tales; if bricks were to come alive perhaps Beauvoir’s bricks would be the most patient. Bricks dwell too around mysterious places: the empty under-construction Cathedral College, the ominous doorway beside/below the big (brick) staircase next to the Cathedral, the locker rooms. There are the bricks that you sit on in Decker Terrace (or are those slabs?), and the bricks that you can sit on by the STA athletic fields (one has a metal bulldog), and the bumpy bricks that you can sit on just in front of the Cathedral if you happen to be standing there while a sudden stroke of third-quarter exhaustion decides to smack you, and if you are ever sitting inside the Cathedral you can’t help but notice how much colder and smoother and firmer and more majestic the bricks in there seem to be. Some of the bricks on the Close conceal birds’ nests, some the roots of trees, some the full glory of roly polys and cockroaches. These bricks remind me of many days of sprinting to class and cramming essays, of cross country practices and blooming springs, days of confusion and fun and stress, and all that while the bricks remained.
One time a year or two ago outside of Sam’s Bar there were some bricks that had been removed for some maintenance reason, and I didn’t feel bad for them. Or maybe I did. They were eventually replaced, anyhow, and probably no one really thought about it after that, or will.
Well, I’m in my last year here now. Once I graduate, perhaps I’ll never see these bricks again. When I leave, will this school forget me? Will I forget the people I knew?
I guess what I’m trying to say is just, don’t forget to notice the bricks. In the beginning, when it’s all new and pretty, the bricks pop out one way or another, but that can fade. And while you’re here, living out high school day to day, the bricks seem permanent, a forgettable backdrop. Silly you. That’s just because you didn’t check for birds and roots and roly polys. And even stone erodes (or gets replaced during maintenance).
I don’t think I’ll forget them, the uneven people here, and the elegant ones, and the mysterious ones and the snuggled ones. Because even if they die or something (or I do), at least one of each of their blood cells found its way into my arteries. You could sort of say they built me, in a sense… In the end, it’s bricks that form the path to the school doors, so next time I’m sprinting to class I’ll try to remember to whisper to them brief thanks for carrying my weight, and maybe blow the roly polys a kiss.
Maryam Mohseni '24
Starting a new school year is stressful for everyone and starting high school is even more stressful. Coming into freshman year was a daunting experience for me, especially since I was new to NCS. I didn’t know what to expect and all everyone had told me was how hard high school was going to be. Luckily NCS has plenty of resources for incoming freshmen to help ease their transition into the upper school and provide both academic and social support. Below is a list of programs in the NCS community you can turn to for support.
I. Peer Tutor Program
We all know that NCS is an academically rigorous institution and naturally it gets harder as you progress. In the shift from the Middle School to the Upper School the workload becomes considerably more and the content you learn in class becomes heavier. This shift was especially hard for me, coming from a school that wasn’t nearly as rigorous as NCS. Enter the peer tutor program. Say, you’re taking physics and it’s not going very well. The peer tutor program will match you up with an upperclassmen who’s already taken and excelled in physics and the upperclassmen becomes your tutor for physics. Having a peer tutor is unique in that they have gone through exactly what you are going through, making them ideal for helping you succeed in your class. You can apply for a peer tutor for as many classes as you need and in many cases you may have the same tutor for multiple classes. It’s a great way to get the academic support you need as you get acclimated to the Upper School.
II. Peer Mentor Program
For both new and returning students, entering the Upper School is a whole new social world to navigate. It can be challenging to manage a new social environment with the added academic workload, and the peer mentor program is here to help with just that. Unlike the peer tutor program the peer mentor program doesn't help with academics. Instead mentors assist their mentees with their general transition to the Upper School. This can include helping their mentees develop a schedule that helps them balance their many responsibilities and being someone for their mentees to talk to or just showing them the ropes of the Upper School. Generally mentees and mentors meet at least once a cycle and if needed they can meet more than that.
III. DEI Office and Affinity Groups
POC (people of color) at a PWI (predominantly white institution) face unique challenges that their peers may not and the DEI office is a great place to go for support and assistance. The DEI office includes Rev. Adams as our new head of Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Ethical Leadership and three DEI and Belonging deans for each division. The DEI dean for the Upper School is Sra. Riquelme who is also a Spanish teacher in the Upper School. Affinity groups are another resource for POC and can provide a safe place for people who identify with similar backgrounds. Affinity groups are student led with a faculty sponsor and generally meet once a cycle.
Note: This article is just to provide a starting point for new students. As you become acclimated to the Upper School you will find the people and spaces that can support you best and make you feel space and comfortable. The aforementioned programs and people are merely suggestions and they may not work for you, but they are a good place to start when looking for support during your transition.
Sascha Hume '23
As the school year gets rolling, I think it is worth bringing up a couple issues with school driving infrastructure. I have heard a bunch of people bring these specific issues up, so I believe they should be considered, even if this is all ultimately falling on deaf ears.
This is the big one. There just are not enough spots for everyone. Even if there technically should be enough, students consistently report not being able to find a spot for the life of them if they arrive after a certain time. Students should not be expected to arrive significantly earlier than they otherwise need to just to secure a spot, and this logic by necessity cannot apply to everyone since there are less spots available than people who need to park. Apparently there are/were plans in the works to get more spots. I am not sure if that has already happened or not, but if the situation persists, Saint Albans either needs to work something out with either Saint Sophia’s or the city to get access to more spots, or it needs to further restrict who is allowed to park in its own slots. A parking pass does not need to be an absolute guarantee of parking, but it should signify an assurance of parking almost all of the time.
As you come down the big hill on Pilgrim Road and round the bend, you are confronted with a speed bump. It’s a school zone, so this isn’t out of the ordinary, and there are several other bumps along the way. What is unusual and really annoying is how big it is. With certain cars, no matter how slow you go, the bump hits and damages the undercarriage. I do not see any beneficial reason for this to be the case, and it should not be too difficult of a fix: just lower the bump.
The Senior Circle driving lane is quite narrow, to the point of making driving through it difficult. The school might not want to do anything to the Glastonbury Thorn, but there is still plenty of space around the plant in the central island which could be reduced to widen the lane. I do not see any harm in doing that.
I kind of feel like I’m complaining to the manager, but, again, I do think these issues should be considered.
Jacob Fife '23
Summer gives us lots of free time. Of course, there’s plenty of work we can do, and, being a senior, working on college applications over summer is a wise idea. However, it’s not fun. Over summer, I prefer to spend my free time listening to music, and summer has plenty of good music to make my minor procrastination justified.
As the new school year starts, let’s look back at the joyous days of summer through the lens of my favorite albums of June, July, and August.
Big Time - Angel Olsen
Singer-songwriter Angel Olsen’s seventh album is a collection of beautiful country and folk songs. Taking much inspiration from country legends like Patsy Cline, Big Time brings plenty of happiness, sadness, and comfort.
Ugly Season - Perfume Genius
Ugly Season is an eerie expression of self-loathing with a strange but welcoming sprinkle of dance music. While I would describe this album as the most inaccessible one here, I still strongly urge everyone to try out Ugly Season. I recommend headphones for the best listening experience!
Baby - Petrol Girls
Petrol Girls’ third album is powerful feminist punk message that refuses to be held back. Baby hits even harder with the recent overturning of Roe v. Wade and the continuing attacks on women’s rights in this country.
Cave World - Viagra Boys
Sweden’s Viagra Boys make fun of the political state of the world and the mass spread of misinformation with a “go back, I want to be monke” attitude. Cave World will surely bring a few laughs with its goofy punk sound and lyrics.
Hellfire - black midi
Despite being one of the more pretentious albums on this list, Hellfire is my favorite album of the summer. The unrelenting craziness of black midi’s third album demands its listener’s attention for what feels like the most exciting 40 minutes of your life. With Hellfire, black midi adds another fantastic album to the catalog of the exciting post-Brexit revival of post-punk.
Cheat Codes - Danger Mouse & Black Thought
Through spectacular production from Danger Mouse and thoughtful lyrics from Black Thought, Cheat Codes already feels like a hip-hop classic. If you’re looking for great bars and great samples, Cheat Codes is the album for you!
PRE PLEASURE - Julia Jacklin
Australia’s Julia Jacklin once again proves her songwriting talents in the realm of sad-girl music. While this record is very sad, it’s even sadder that I won’t be able to go see Julia Jacklin in concert when she’s in DC.
The Forever Story - JID
Atlanta’s JID proves his excellence in rapping in his lyrically dense album The Forever Story. Despite this record’s nearly hour-long runtime, JID refuses to make any song uninteresting. Just listen to the singles “Dance Now” and “Surround Sound” if you’re not already convinced to listen to this from everyone on the internet singing its praises.
LOUIE - Kenny Beats
The last album on this list, LOUIE, is a wonderful collection of hip-hop beats from producer Kenny Beats. This album is a brief but pleasant listen with many songs I would simply describe as pretty.
Henry Brown '23
You know the feeling. It’s approaching the end of the first quarter, your MySTA calendar is filling up, and your gut is telling you that this weekend won’t be fun. The all-too-common death week is at your doorstep, and there’s nothing you can do but suffer. It’s a painful tradition that all STA students have had to endure—mostly by chance and not out of teachers’ spite—and you can only slog through the five major assessments due next week.
Over the years, the school has enacted policies to mitigate the burden of such strenuous stretches of the school year. Be it the seven-day rotating schedule or limiting the number of tests per day, several efforts have curbed the inevitable brunt of any quarter-based school calendar. Students, however, are still outraged. They complain to their teachers, they curse the administration under their breath. Even I, writing an article in its favor, cannot escape the wrath of a death week.
But before we go about overhauling the scheduling system and mandating an even spread of assessments across the quarter, let’s take a look at why such a crunch week can prove beneficial in the grand scope of our high school careers.
First, death weeks create stress. What a revelation, Henry! Our grades in a majority of our classes are on the line, and if we fumble once, the week can spiral out of our control. However, to an extent, this stress can be proactive. The phrase may be cliché, but diamonds are made under pressure. Healthy stress can reduce the urge to procrastinate, and a workaholic mentality fosters more focused and effective studying. In essence, the death week strikes the school-life balance for you rather than the other way around. If you have four tests next week, given how much is on the line grade wise, you’re less inclined to abandon your weekend study time than if you have one.
From an endurance perspective, death weeks can help prevent burnout. Of course, there is no scientific study analyzing STA students’ levels of motivation based on how tests are spaced in a quarter. But from my own experience, quarters with a moderate amount of work for all eight weeks (averaging one or two assessments per week) are much more of a mental slog than ones that cram a majority of these assessments into one or two death weeks. Why? Because having a looming quiz or test every four days is much more tiring over the course of a school year than having a death week every four weeks. The amount of work I do in a quarter may be equivalent, but weeks with minimal work enable the rejuvenation that a quarter with evenly spread assessments cannot provide.
And to top it off, few feelings are as rewarding as collapsing in your bed on the Friday after a death week. Death weeks are arguably some of the most rigorous, most stressful moments we will ever encounter, and they no doubt prepare us to work harder than we have ever worked before. Apart from the grades, the payoff is a weekend with no tests to worry about, no quizzes to fret over, and just a few homework assignments to save for Sunday night. If the school were to mandate staggered assessments to lighten the load (e.g. two tests per week total), our tradition of academic rigor would be nullified, and these weekends would become a rarity.
Death weeks are by no means perfect. An ideal death week would mean one or two assessments per day, leaving an evening between each test to study. Or perhaps it’s preferable to spread out those tests over two weeks, maintaining the assessment density but leaving enough time to study and get enough sleep. But regardless of the death week’s final form, it is a vital part of our school’s function. It boosts motivation, it prevents burnout, and it’s the manifestation of the academic rigor we seek in this institution. Death weeks are insufferable, but they are one of the most pivotal aspects of our education. So let’s keep them.
Alyssa Bui '23
Hello and welcome to the new school year! I’m Alyssa, a member of the 2023 senior class. Over the last three years, I’ve learned a lot about navigating school in the fall. Coming back to school after summer can be crazy, but I have some tips and reminders to make this transition easier.
Here are my best pieces of advice :)
That concludes the list! 23 tips in honor of the 2023 class! Not all of these tips may work for you, but I hope something in this article strikes a cord.
I hope you all enjoy the school year and good luck!!
Holden Lombardo '23
For a special back-to-school article, I took inspiration from Frequently Asked Questions, the Youtube series by Wired, in which celebrities are interviewed, by answering questions frequently googled about themselves and other subjects. To conduct the interviews, you start to type a short phrase into the search bar, such as “Is school”, and you then look at Google’s automatically recommended questions below the search bar, such as “Is school a waste of time?”, which apparently is a frequently Googled question. For this article, I conducted interviews in this style with a number of people from around the school: Three seniors, a collection of collaborating freshmen, and one faculty member.
Interviewee: Pierre Attiogbe, ‘23
Is Pierre Attiogbe…
…alive? - “Yes, I’m alive and well.”
…married? - “Nah” [denied to comment further but winked]
...Maryland? - “No, D.C is better because the drivers licenses are much more visually appealing”
…a waste of time? - “Of course not, because that’s what I’m supposed to say. That’s what the Matrix has trained me to believe.”
Is Cross Country
…a sport? - “Yes, because it’s a physical activity that not just involves the legs, but the heart and mind.”
…hard? - “Cross country is as hard as you make it.”
Is the World…
…a simulation? - “The world is a confirmed simulation; after taking Biology class, I’m 100% a believer in the simulation. All of your brain’s sensations can be mimicked with advanced technology - everything you feel is fake.”
Interviewee: Shreyan Mitra, ‘23
…a Hindu name? - “It is, it originates in the Indian subcontinent and means ‘the best.’”
…married? - “I’m not married…yet.”
…hard? - “Yes it is, but with enough knowledge it becomes easy to understand.”
…the study of matter? - “It is the study of matter and its interactions with the rest of the world.”
…capitalized? - “It depends; if its just used as a subject than capitalization is optional. It’s never too late to capitalize on an opportunity to study chemistry, though.”
Is the Queen…
…dead? - “Only in body, but in spirit she will live forever.”
…of England? - “Yes.”
…married to her cousin? - “I don’t know enough about British lineage to answer, but I hope not.”
Interviewee: Ethan Vogelman, ‘23
Is Ethan Vogelman..
…married? - “No, I am 17 so therefore I am not married.”
…a Republican? - “No, I don’t have enough political knowledge to pick a side.”
Is St. Albans…
…safe? - “Yes, I have never felt as if I was in danger here.”
…a good school? - “Yes, especially because it has a Wikipedia page.”
…the best sport? - “Yes, although I like watching football more, Basketball is better because it’s faster paced and because of Joel Embiid.”
Is Michael B Jordan…
…related to Michael Jordan? - “Yes, because they have the same name.”
…married? - “I hope not, because then it means there’s still a chance for me.”
Interviewee: A Collection of Freshmen, ‘26
Is Saint Albans..
…a good school? - “It depends on the school it is compared to, but as a whole, yes.”
…hard? - “Yes, because of its long classes and learning can be tiring, but I think it’s for the better of my intellectual capabilities.”
Is Freshman Year…
…the Hardest? - “Yes, because the homework takes a very long time.”
…important? - “Yes, it sets the precedent for the whole rest of your Saint Albans career.”
…afraid of the dark? - “Yes, I sleep with my window open so I can see a streetlight outside my window - I’m deadly afraid of something sleeping under my bed.”
…ready for some football? - “I, personally, am not a football fan, but I’m excited to be a part of the school spirit.”
Are hot dogs…
…bad for you? - “Yes, hot dogs are made of mechanically separated meat which is often processed in unsanitary conditions and the parts of the animal are rarely listed.”
…sandwiches? - “Yes, because you can separate the two slices of bread.”
…bad for dogs? - “Why would I give a dog a dog? Well you need to get some dirt on your dog, you know.”
Interviewee: Mr. Dickson, Faculty
Is Mr. Dickson…
…still alive? - “Barely. For now.”
…married? - “Unfortunately no, to my mom’s chagrin.”
…in jail? - “Nope, I’m a free man. Free since ‘03.”
…very tall? - “On my social media profile.”
…a science? - “No! Science is a math!”
…blue? - “This year all my binders and notebooks are blue, but last year they were orange.”
…invented or discovered? - “Somewhere in between - everything is out there but we invent the language to talk about math.”
Is Abraham Lincoln…
…a founding father? - [After a brief pause] “No, I had to think about that one though.”
…related to Tom Hanks? - “Distantly.”
…a good president? - “Yes, of course.”
…in the wrestling hall of fame? - “I don’t know enough about the wrestling hall of fame.”