Homecoming Dance Recap: Students Left Distraught after DJ refuses to play Cascada’s “Everytime We Touch”; Cross Country Team Arrives Early
Satire By Kubair Chuchra '18
Bright Lights. Awkward freshmen. A well-scheduled soccer game and win. Last Saturday’s homecoming dance was set to be as normal as ever. However, as the night went on and the hooliganism picked up, one key-factor was missing: Cascada’s club banger “Everytime We Touch.” Despite pleading the DJ to play Cascada’s manifesto multiple times throughout the night, students were left without their favorite song.
Though “Everytime We Touch” has been a highschool favorite since its release in 2007, Saint Albans Students have grown particularly attached to the piece over the past year. When the song plays at school dances and parties (the latter is a myth, we don’t have parties) , the boys have grown accustomed to howling the song’s lyrics and “moshing” to its beat, quite literally touching their classmates. Nothing beats getting a random freshman’s sweat in your mouth while a little too close on the dancefloor.
Rumors have circulated amongst the student body that school administrators intentionally banned the song from the homecoming dance in order to prevent rowdiness, among other sweaty results. Whether these rumors are true or not, Saint Albans Students are distraught and fed up with the whole situation. Sophomore Vernon West* commented on the matter: “First the club’s assembly donut fiasco. Now this! I don’t know who to trust anymore. Stay safe out there.”
Despite all the tension, there were some highlights of the night. The DJ did play Hamster Dance Master’s awe-inspiring hit “The Hamster Dance” (Dance Master’s twelve grammys affirm his musical genius) and Jack Toungour ‘19 did, as always, impress on the dance floor. Additionally, despite earlier concern, the entire cross country team arrived to the dance promptly. In fact, they even had enough time after their race to take photos, eat a five course pre-dinner, and show up to the refectory an hour and a half early. When asked about the success of the night, Head Prefect Harry James Potter declined to comment.
* This name has been changed to protect the victim's privacy