by Esther Eriksson von Allmen '19
Dear Common Application,
I’m Swedish! Sorry, I’m being aggressive. I know. As you can see, I’m trying REALLY hard to accentuate my foreignness to you, considering it’s the only mildly interesting aspect of my otherwise oatmeal-bland identity. My family eats meatballs, like, every day! Got that? EVERYDAY. And our house is decorated solely with IKEA furniture!
What do I do in my free time? I ! love ! community ! service ! There’s just something about folding skidmark underwear at Wider Circle that inspires me to wake up every morning. Last summer, my parents even spent [insert ridiculous amount of money here] so I could do community service in [insert developing country here]!
During the summers, I do really awesome internships at the [insert super prestigious government/research agency here]. How on earth did I get this opportunity? I credit hard work, stellar grades, and [insert name of family member with high-ranking executive position at government/research agency here]. Did I mention that I’m the president of [insert obscure club name here]? We meet once every three months and the club consists solely of girls from my friend group, but I’m definitely going to refer to it as “my cause” at least three times in my essay.
In fact, I have many causes! Did you know I’m a student government representative? I’m on the [insert name of board that contributes virtually nothing to school community here].
Under the language section, you might have noticed that I marked myself as being “proficient” in [insert language that I barely understand here]. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT test me on that. You might also see that I won some cool medals in the [insert name of language exam here]! I’m hoping you’ll be so distracted by the title of “medalist” that you won’t recognize how mediocre this accomplishment actually is!
In fact, if you look close enough, my entire constructed persona begins to fall apart. In which case, did I mention I’m Swedish?