by Priya Phillips '19
Attention, Close-wide community: the most exciting event of the year is almost upon us! Now, for the freshmen and other-wise ill-informed students of the close, you might be thinking, “Christmas isn’t for another 85 days, that’s not soon at all!” and you’d be right because the time I’m talking about is even sooner than Christmas. Is it Thanksgiving? Wrong again. This event is infinitely more fun than eating dry turkey while your family argues over politics. Well then, surely I must be talking about Halloween? Incorrect! Surprisingly enough, the event I’m referring to forces you to spend even more money on transforming yourself into a completely different person. Haven’t guessed it yet? I’m talking about a night filled with glamour, dancing, and sweating out your $45 drybar blowout: Saint Albans Homecoming!
Similarly to many other students on the Close, I have been anticipating (dreading?) this night ever since last year’s homecoming, and not just because I’ve been meticulously planning how to fix everything that went wrong the last time around. However, as we approach the three-week countdown to the beautiful and memorable night that is STA Homecoming, I have to become more realistic about my expectations and plans for this night. As a junior, I have come to terms with the fact that my dances on the Close will not resemble the perfect formal dance scenes which flood my favorite teen movies. Remember the prom scene in Mean Girls, when Caddy showed up late, won Homecoming queen, and then broke the crown so everyone could be a winner? Yeah, you're not getting that at STA Homecoming. Doors to this dance close promptly at 8:30, there is no homecoming queen and king, and the only people who really win are the select few fortunate enough to avoid being mauled during “Everytime We Touch”. Now I’m not saying this to crush your dreams about having the perfect formal dance experience, I’m just giving you a reality check. STA Homecoming is fun in its own special way and the key to making the most out of this fabled night is to plan accordingly. Don’t leave anything up to chance because you will be disappointed. This night is not for the weak of heart or fragile of mind — only the strong will survive. If you’re unsure of what preparations I could possibly be referring to or are just generally wondering if the $10 ticket and burger dinner at Cafe Deluxe is even worth all the hassle — fear not! I, a totally qualified upperclassman and Homecoming pro, have drawn up a few detailed, completely useful Hoco 2k18 Prep for Success steps which will makes these upcoming three weeks completely manageable.
Good luck and Happy Homecoming Season!