Madeleine Murnick '22
This new discovery brings a whole new meaning to “zoom-bomb.”
Coronavirus, a team of scientists discovered Monday, is capable of spreading quickly through the Internet, including the widely used video platform Zoom. The virus is now zooming through college towns, businesses, and neighborhoods with this newly discovered mode of transmission. It is recommended that only essential businesses and workers use Zoom in order to limit the spread of the virus.
This shocking revelation has ground many Americans' routines to a halt as schools and businesses struggle to re-adjust. Thousands of students across the nation are now being hospitalized due to exposure to the virus. These students, sources report, spend up to 10 hours on electronic devices per day, making their amount of exposure extremely dangerous.
“I can’t believe she turned her video on," says a local high-school student, referring to an unnamed classmate, "that’s so irresponsible!” Many students are similarly terrified as they try to protect themselves and their families from the virus.
Other video platforms, including but not limited to Webex, Google Hangouts, Skype, WhatsApp, Groupme, FaceTime, Discord, Facebook Messenger, Houseparty, Microsoft Teams, and Instagram Video Chat have released statements assuring the public that their services do not pose any threat of virus transmission. Whether these claims are true is yet to be seen and caution is advised to all while investigations are pending.
Anyone using Google will now encounter a pop-up advisory warning of the dangers of using the browser, and websites across the globe are shutting down in the interest of public safety. Internet users have returned to older methods of research. Some brave heroes, under these extenuating circumstances, have even found that they are able to function without knowing the six fundamental traits of a Capricorn or the date of National Hotdog Day.
Without internet-based navigation services, many have found it impossible to travel to their neighbors' homes, and some have resorted to not leaving their houses at all.
Social media, as well, has become a public health risk. New sources report that liking a COVID-infected person’s post on Instagram or TikTok can spread the virus, and text messaging is quickly becoming the most common mode of virus transmission. Self-protection methods include sanitizing cell phones and laptops, burying electronics, and the most extreme: deleting social media apps. Twitter has announced that President Trump’s account will be shut down in interest of preserving his health.
Americans across the nation are sending pigeon-carriers to elderly parents and family, urging them to refrain from using the internet. "I've been sending out all my content through a bird messenger service," says a local YouTuber, who was nursing several beak-inflicted cuts on his face and arms. All over the globe, professionals are abandoning email in favor of messengers on horseback.
The most comprehensive safety measures include cutting all internet and cable wires to one's home and withdrawing to a hermit-like existence until the end of quarantine.
This development has led the entire nation to rethink the dangers of extended internet use and over-reliance on social media, and our routines will forever be changed.