Satire by Phoebe Suh '18
The National Cathedral plans on more permanent changes as well. Urban Outfitters, a popular clothing brand targeted at young adults, will open a location in the Pilgrim Observation Gallery in 2018. When asked for comment, one docent optimistically projected that the new strategy would attract Millennials to the Cathedral in spite of a cultural shift away from religious life. “Honestly, I think the earthquake may have been a blessing in disguise. It’s given us a great opportunity to get hip,” she said before accidentally activating Siri while attempting to Google the definition of “FOMO.” Her tour group arrived dressed in fedoras and flannel, a group of hipsters coming to take selfies before the Cathedral became cool.