Rishi Kannan '23
I want to be honest with you. You really irritate me (Ba Dum Tss). Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate everything you do for the Earth—the beautiful flowers, the nectar for bees, the growth of plants all over the world. But still, do you really need to be so—how do I say this?—annoying?
Spring is a time of beauty, growth, and warmth, but you make it so that I can’t see or smell any of it! I mean, seriously, why are you so sticky, and what about my eyes are so attractive to you? What joy do you get out of seeing my sinuses suffer?
As soon as March begins, I can’t stop thinking about you. How could I, when I see yellow, sticky dots sprinkled all over the ground, and when my eyes puff up like Hot Cheetos waiting to be eaten? I’ve tried everything to lessen the effect of your demonic presence. Whether it is Claritin, Claritin chewables, Benadryl, Children’s Benadryl, Zyrtec, even nose spray, nothing can defeat you. The pharmacist will tell you that someone (i.e. yours truly) bought all the allergy meds two days ago, but if you’ve looked at me any time recently, it doesn’t seem like anything has been working.
Spring would hands-down be my favorite season if you didn’t constantly get in my face. The weather is perfect, the leaves grow back on trees, the flowers bloom (thanks to you), animals are lively again after a cold winter. But spring also means tissue boxes that are used up within a few days. Spring also means tears, not of sadness, not of joy, but of aggravation. Spring also means eyes red as the fires of the underworld. Because of you, spring means an unhealthy balance between joy and irritation.
So I beg you, for all allergy sufferers’ sakes, please just get your job over with, then disappear. It’s nothing personal. I know you don’t irritate me on purpose, but do you think I want to interfere with the plant reproductive process? If it wasn’t clear already, that doesn’t appeal to me.
I really hope that we can build a healthy relationship together. Maybe, I can find the right medicine to be less affected by you. Maybe, you can be less everywhere. Maybe, both of us can learn to see more of the good in one another.
Okay, this letter might have been a bit harsh. You make the season of spring what it is, and for that, humanity is forever grateful. But for the sake of the people who you discomfort, please understand our side of the story.
Rishi (a fellow seasonal allergy sufferer)