By Charlie Hansen '18
Dear St. Albans Class of 2021,
Welcome to your new home. Starting today, you will live, breathe, and eat this school whether you like it or not. Freshman year is great,,, You’ll learn how to live with yourself after receiving a 47% on a Great Expectations essay that you spent all week working on. You’ll learn how to wrestle a classmate for the privilege to ask a certain someone to Homecoming (Alex Knapper can tell you more about that). For the things that you don’t pick up on in your first few weeks, Exchanged has a list of pointers so you can withstand the challenges of STA.
1. Brush up on some trivia. Nobody wants to be the guy who can’t name a single song by Kanye West at Lunch Table Trivia. At most lunch tables, freshmen become the go-to scraper because they lose trivia every day; don’t be that freshman. Some of my favorite table questions include:
2. Organize your materials. The worst feeling in the world is opening your backpack and seeing a glut of miscellaneous papers, tests, and half sheets from Ms. Denize. Teachers, upon seeing this mess, will think, does this kid even care about my class? If this happens, that teacher will probably fail you, your parents will then kick you out of the house for being a failure, and you’ll end up living on the street with the rest of the unorganized kids from previous St. Albans classes. Just put your papers in a friggin’ binder at least! Don't be an idiot, just use your planner and locker, unless someone alphas you for its prime location next to Sam’s.
3. Stock up on outlandish clothing. STA Mixer? Grab that weird, old Hawaiian shirt from your dad’s closet, and go! BEEF game? A perfect time to bust out your Syracuse-era Carmelo Anthony Jersey! It’s important to have a good sense style, but also a touch of unpredictability and a little “why on earth would this kid wear this?” in your outfit choices. Talk to my Fashion Correspondent, Brooks Biddle, for advice on your style. And remember, keep a lookout for Mr. Hansen’s watchful eye.
4. Attend sporting events. Nothing boosts camaraderie with your new classmates like watching Robert “Bobby The Ox” King pound some kids on the gridiron. Soccer, football, hockey, basketball, lacrosse, baseball—the opportunities are endless. It’s imperative to have some fun during your freshman year and this is the ~STA approved~ way to do it.
5. Most importantly, try something new. High School is the time to figure out what you enjoy. So try out for the musical! Join Gardening Club! Write for Exchanged (please)! Keep yourself busy, even if you have several hours of extremely difficult Geometry homework.