Humor by Harrison Grigorian '19
Just about every STA student will find himself taking the same science and math classes at some point in his career (unless you’re just an academic beast and you place out of all of them). We all have to stare at that conglomeration of triangles, trying to prove one line segment congruent to another one of a square on the other side of the page. We all have to memorize how many NAD+s visit the Electron Transport Chain. We all have to bundle that egg up and cross our fingers as it drops from Marriott Hall. Sure, STA is hard, but who said there weren’t any tricks to making it just a bit easier? Tasked with making a guide of these tricks, I knew I had a tough challenge ahead. Thus, I have spent hours upon hours reflecting on my own classes, interviewing students exiting classrooms while seeking insight into their success or lack thereof, and tirelessly eavesdropping on conversations in the library. Here is my report:
Form III Geometry: Like Shapes
Yeah, so, I have never really met anyone who particularly “loves shapes,” but if you are reading this and “love shapes,” you’re set. If you don’t “love shapes,” then you better start now.
Form IV Algebra II: Understand Math
There aren’t really any great tips for Alg. II, besides maybe just learning it. Good luck!
Form V Precalculus: Be Funny
If you venture to ask a Precal student how it’s going, he will probably laugh, and maybe cry at the same time (wouldn’t that be a sight to see). Here’s the trick: Dr. Schofer gives a ½ bonus point everytime you make him laugh (it has to be hysterical, none of this chuckling stuff). So make him laugh. A lot. A good comedian can raise his grade significantly while drawing the ire of his fellow classmates as they yell: “Doc! That wasn’t funny at all!”.
OR Form V Functions and Statistics: Become a calculator
Yeah, you read that right.
Form VI Anything: Who knows?
Form III Biology: Become Leonardo Da Vinci
If you haven’t figured it out already, biology involves a lot of drawing. In order to remember these drawings, and thus regurgitate them for a test, you need to become the drawing. This sure ain’t easy, but after weeks of drawing the Golgi apparatus, you may begin to develop an Italian Beard and have the desire to paint something faintly reminiscent of the Mona Lisa.
Form IV Chemistry: Know a Kid who Loves Stoichiometry
As much as you hate it, good ol’ stoich isn’t going anywhere. If you yell “solution stoichiometry!” in the library, chances are older kids will faint left and right. But there will be one kid, just one kid, who secretly wishes he could answer your desperate cries for help. You must find that kid, and once you do, allow him to fill your brain with his knowledge of the art. Or, you could just sign up for student tutoring.
Physics: Become an Egg
From what I have heard, the egg drop is worth a large portion of physics students’ grades. Thus, be the egg. Think: “If I were the egg, would I want to get in that thing and be thrown off of Marriott Hall?” There’s your answer.