Disclaimer: this is a work of satire
We all need to get Covid on the Close, at the same time. No, I don’t want us all to die, but considering the high rate of vaccination in our community, it shouldn’t worry us. As long as we all get Covid, quarantine with online school for two weeks, we can come back and be completely immune for nearly ninety days! This would allow us to resume full school with every tradition we love. In addition, there would be no eating outside, no testing, and no masks.
Now, I hear you asking “how are we supposed to make sure everyone has Covid?” The answer: an ultra-spreader. We find a couple of people who we are sure have Covid and are contagious. Then, we put them in an air-tight room with each grade of each school, making sure that every person gets breathed on and breathes Covid in. An ultra-spreader is like the game Infection, but you can’t run away and there is an actual infection going around. After the ultra-spreader, we can have two weeks of online classes to help people fight their (minimal) symptoms. Also, the period of virtual school and quarantine will prevent us from spreading it to those outside the Close and allow for a quarantine period where students don’t feel bad about missing school. Giving everyone Covid until our entire school has it may sound scary, but a significant amount of our community has already gotten it, have any of them died while vaccinated and boosted? No.
What is the worst that could happen? If we all have our vaccines and booster shots, then we will not die or be seriously hospitalized. This is simply the best way to return to normalcy. On the other hand, if we don’t follow through on this plan, we will be stuck with Covid protocols for God knows how long. Our school as a whole will be better off in the long run if everyone gets Covid.
Additionally, it makes sense on an individual level. Imagine I told you that you were going to stub your toe within the next two hours and it will hurt. Instead of wanting to wait in suspense for the painful sensation to course through your body, you would likely just want to get it over with so you wouldn’t have to worry. The same goes for Covid. Anthony Fauci said “sooner or later, everyone is likely to get Covid.” If we believe his words to be true, why shouldn’t we try to be smart about when and where people get it, so that we can make the most out of herd immunity. We must accept the reality of the situation and do our best to take advantage of it. Even if you assume that you are so safe and careful that you will never get Covid, you cannot say the same for everybody else. We’re not going to eradicate Covid, but if we face it head on, we can at least get rid of it from our community for a significant period of time.