I Love Terry McAuliffe!

Jack Marino, '23

I love Terry McAuliffe! McAuliffe, the epitome of the ideal statesman, was so enthusiastic about his beliefs that he enlisted Democratic activists like Stacy Abrams and Keisha Lance Bottoms to campaign for him. Pioneers of progressive policies, Abrams and Bottoms hope to lead America to a more equitable future by putting the full weight of their endorsements and campaign energy behind McAuliffe, who previously assisted some of the most enlightened politicians of all time, the Clintons. McAuliffe fought for America by valiantly defending Hillary Clinton in the wake of her email scandal (rhetorically and monetarily) and serving on the campaign of the most progressive Democrat to ever exist, Bill Clinton. 

Additionally, McAuliffe is a fundraising juggernaut. He raised so much money that after his previous campaign that he had extra to keep for himself. His success has attracted so much attention that the FBI had to get involved. But why would the FBI be investigating McAuliffe’s past campaigns? Because they are interested in finding the key to his success. No matter what, McAuliffe will never accept defeat in the Virginia governor's election, just as his close ally Stacy Abrams refused to concede the governor’s race in Georgia. Terry McAuliffe will not stop fighting for the people of Virginia, even if the ballot boxes say otherwise!

Finally, McAuliffe is committed to keeping Virginians safe. It is time for Terry to bring Virginia’s murder rate back down after it rose 40% during his first term as governor, so he can finish what he started. In order to keep Virginia safe, McAuliffe has released several criminals convicted of murdering police, and loosened gun restrictions for felons, allowing everyone including criminals to feel secure in Virginia. The former governor has also sided with the Defund the Police movement in an effort to make Virginia a safer place. Although decreasing funding the police is only supported by 18% of the Black population, Terry McAuliffe knows what is best for Virginians better than Virginians know what's best for themselves. In a bold progressive statement during a debate, McAuliffe declared his belief that the government knows better than the people of Virginia by remarking: “I don’t think parents should be telling schools what they should teach.” For Virginia governor, I want a candidate who has unlimited faith in the government, a candidate who believes the state should have complete control over the lives of individuals, a candidate who embraces the political mainstream with such enthusiasm that one would question the truth behind his rhetoric. I want Terry!


The Youngkin Campaign doesn’t want you to see these sources of knowledge:

1. https://www.wsj.com/articles/clinton-ally-aids-campaign-of-fbi-officials-wife-1477266114
2. https://twofacedterry.com/?utm_medium=ad&utm_source=gs&utm_term=-va-gov&utm_campaign=20210927-twofacedterry&utm_content=20210927-twofacedterry-gs&gclid=CjwKCAjw_L6LBhBbEiwA4c46uhZarhDQcpTDlxdVk5OvbiYp83t08xeDPW4YHRiBq5Gdhp9Pcx-CwRoCUOMQAvD_BwE
3. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/03/17/virginia-democrats-need-answer-parole-board-scandal/
4. https://www.cnn.com/2016/05/23/politics/terry-McAuliffee-fbi-doj-federal-investigation-campaign-contributions/index.html
5. https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/virginia-politics/in-virginia-felon-voting-rights-mean-a-simpler-path-to-gun-ownership/2016/05/20/5980101e-1e92-11e6-8c7b-6931e66333e7_story.html
6. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/02/17/terry-McAuliffees-past-becomes-campaign-issue/
7. https://www.foxnews.com/politics/McAuliffee-receives-criticism-believe-parents-should-tell-schools-teach

*Note: This Piece Is Satire